You can read the telltale signs of when something’s amiss. In Hollywood, a delayed release date generally means they’re sitting on a big budget bomb. In network TV, a new time slot indicates a ratings dog. In sports, playing “home” games in Spanish speaking countries means you’ve got a franchise in deep caca. Buenos Noches Arizona Cardinals!
For first time in NFL history, Mexico City will host a regular season game October 2nd between the “home” team Arizona Cardinals and San Francisco 49ers. Interesting, yes, but even more so it looks like a rescue mission for a team that’s been wilting in the sun since arriving to the desert in 1988.
“Mexico is the country with the most NFL fans outside the United States,” said NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue. “Our fans in Mexico are knowledgeable and passionate and they are ready to take the next step. They have supported our American Bowl games in record numbers and NFL programming has been part of television in Mexico for many decades. The Cardinals and 49ers play in markets with large Hispanic communities, including many people of Mexican decent. This game will generate new excitement both in Mexico and in the Hispanic communities throughout the United States, and it promises to become a milestone in the NFL’s history as a global sport.”
Translation:
I don’t know what else to do at this point. Phoenix has been a burial ground for professional teams. The Diamondbacks are nearly broke despite winning the World Series just four years ago. Bringing hockey to the desert made New Coke look like a stroke of genius, and the Suns only do well thanks to air conditioning. Because nearly everyone that lives in greater Phoenix is from somewhere else, nobody gives a damn about this team. For years the Cardinals have ranked dead last in attendance, and now, with a $450 million stadium that’s due to open next year, we’ve got to put some butts in those seats…and fast dammit! I promised a Super Bowl or two if they built the damn thing, but hey, don’t expect me to hold the bag if the Arizona Sports and Tourism Authority takes a bath in this already arena saturated city. I did mention the stadium will cost $450 million for a team that averages only 38,000 a game didn’t I? Ah, but I saw “Field of Dreams” too, they’ll be fine. I mean, I know those in the area were lukewarm about a new stadium, but at least they found a way to stick most of the bill on tourists passing through. However, since the border between Arizona and Mexico is extremely porous, maybe we can get those who survive the brutal desert crossing to root for the team. After all, if Dallas can be “America’s Team”, well, why can’t the Cardinals be “Latin America’s Team”? We’ll see. I mean, with a new stadium and rising salaries, I don’t know how they’ll be able to afford a $65.00 ticket harvesting lettuce, but in America anything is possible…I think. This team is stuck here for at least a generation and the suggestion box for building any semblance of a fan base is pretty darn light. So I’m calling upon our rich friends from the Third World to rally behind this cause. At this point, St. Louis seemed like a fine place to play. At least the beer was cheep. How come the Dolphins don’t need to play in Havana?
Ay Carumba! Bienvenidos Mexico City!
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2 comments:
Here is my main question : how is one game in Mexico supposed to do anything in real tangible terms for the AZ franchise? Are they going to somehow clear $50 million? $100 million? Pay for the entire new stadium in one shot? Start a whole new legion of Mexican Cards fans wearing A.Boldin jerseys? You're suggesting some sort of link, and thats why I need some economic details. If Tagliabue is sitting at some desk trying to come up with ridiculous schemes to somehow "save" the Cards, I think we'd see more than this (which isn't really even necessary because despite the shitty attendance, the NFL revenue sharing takes care of Mr. B just fine despite the attendance level...38k avg even sounds high to me). The supposed "link" is pretty flimsy. Outside of that, take all the shots you want at arguably the worst organization in all of pro sports. But, they are still here, just like the Clippers.
"The Suns only do well due to A/C" ? Before last years 29 win campaign, I'm pretty sure they had the longest active playoff streak among NBA franchises, as well as 2 Finals appearances. Granted, almost everybody makes it to the postseason in the NBA, but check any "100 Most Powerful" list and Jerry Colangelo always finds a spot. Seems unlikely that he also would be heading up a crappy mismanaged organization, like, lets say, Portland. (I will not mention the current years squad - it speaks for itself). You had to say something negative, so you made a joke. Weak. I would have pointed out the lack of titles over 30+ years. Its really the only black spot on a pretty good resume, if you're thinking objectively.
If you want to attack the Coyotes, then attack the rest of the Southern US migration of NHL teams. Its all part of the same mix. You also have Gretzky involved w/ that club. He is certainly known for associating with losers/bad orgs, right? All the reviews on their new bldg (opened last season) have been A+. But, thats anecdotal evidence from us AZ morons. We don't know any better.
I can't argue too much with you on the DBacks, especially the financial side. The back-loaded deals they gave Matt Williams, Jay Bell, and others have strapped them for sure. Thank god they got a big cash infusion from new investors after 111 L's and signed some decent talent in Glaus, Green, Ortiz, and got some value for RJ. Personally, and of course I am biased, I would rather have the '01 title (and a decent fan base) and alot of debt than be a Devil Rays fan. Most publications also rank AZ's minor league system to be in the Top 10 talent wise. Are you a Yankees fan? That would explain everything.
Then again, every Mexican here is a lettuce-picker. Those taco-eating troglodytes (and their friends 3 hours South) can't have any real role in the local economy, can they?
I still think your blog kicks ass, but the Cardinals franchise is one of the easiest targets out there. If you want to do a hit piece on Phx or Seattle or some other Jerkwater town that just doesn't measure up to the big NYC, try coming with a little more meat to your assertions. At least take your NY horse-blinders off.
Here is my main question : how is one game in Mexico supposed to do anything in real tangible terms for the AZ franchise? Are they going to somehow clear $50 million? $100 million? Pay for the entire new stadium in one shot? Start a whole new legion of Mexican Cards fans wearing A.Boldin jerseys? You're suggesting some sort of link, and thats why I need some economic details. If Tagliabue is sitting at some desk trying to come up with ridiculous schemes to somehow "save" the Cards, I think we'd see more than this (which isn't really even necessary because despite the shitty attendance, the NFL revenue sharing takes care of Mr. B just fine despite the attendance level...38k avg even sounds high to me). The supposed "link" is pretty flimsy. Outside of that, take all the shots you want at arguably the worst organization in all of pro sports. But, they are still here, just like the Clippers.
"The Suns only do well due to A/C" ? Before last years 29 win campaign, I'm pretty sure they had the longest active playoff streak among NBA franchises, as well as 2 Finals appearances. Granted, almost everybody makes it to the postseason in the NBA, but check any "100 Most Powerful" list and Jerry Colangelo always finds a spot. Seems unlikely that he also would be heading up a crappy mismanaged organization, like, lets say, Portland. (I will not mention the current years squad - it speaks for itself). You had to say something negative, so you made a joke. Weak. I would have pointed out the lack of titles over 30+ years. Its really the only black spot on a pretty good resume, if you're thinking objectively.
If you want to attack the Coyotes, then attack the rest of the Southern US migration of NHL teams. Its all part of the same mix. You also have Gretzky involved w/ that club. He is certainly known for associating with losers/bad orgs, right? All the reviews on their new bldg (opened last season) have been A+. But, thats anecdotal evidence from us AZ morons. We don't know any better.
I can't argue too much with you on the DBacks, especially the financial side. The back-loaded deals they gave Matt Williams, Jay Bell, and others have strapped them for sure. Thank god they got a big cash infusion from new investors after 111 L's and signed some decent talent in Glaus, Green, Ortiz, and got some value for RJ. Personally, and of course I am biased, I would rather have the '01 title (and a decent fan base) and alot of debt than be a Devil Rays fan. Most publications also rank AZ's minor league system to be in the Top 10 talent wise. Are you a Yankees fan? That would explain everything.
Then again, every Mexican here is a lettuce-picker. Those taco-eating troglodytes (and their friends 3 hours South) can't have any real role in the local economy, can they?
I still think your blog kicks ass, but the Cardinals franchise is one of the easiest targets out there. If you want to do a hit piece on Phx or Seattle or some other Jerkwater town that just doesn't measure up to the big NYC, try coming with a little more meat to your assertions. At least take your NY horse-blinders off.
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