If Peter King is writing about why he thinks the Minnesota Vikings are a Super Bowl contender, then the well for football news must be pretty dry. The Vikes have had a good off-season, especially with all the bumps involved with their ownership change, but I have just two words as to why Minnesota will continue to sputter: Mike Tice.
Another NFL topic with the shelf life of canned beats is putting a team in Los Angeles. The stakes seem high for NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue to have a team in LA. After all, it is the second largest television market, and despite legions of Angelenos “escaping” to less frenetic locales, LA is still a growing metropolis. In addition, it looks silly, even embarrassing, for the NFL not to have a team in a market that has two franchises in each of the remaining three major sports. But for a city that’s notoriously fickle about, well…everything, LA seems more fertile for a Capezio revival than pro-football.
Though the Rams and Raiders are what first comes to mind, the Chargers, too, had their inaugural season in LA in 1960. And while you may not have drank Lowenbrau since the USFL, LA had a team there as well called the Express, where Steve Young began his pro career. With the exodus of both the Rams and Raiders in 1995, LA has had four teams leave or go bust in just a 35-year time span.
For years some of the more obvious reasons for pro-football flailing in LA have been mentioned. The weather of course is a big one, as catching rays on the beach is preferred to catching rays in the decrepit LA Coliseum. Another is the town’s transient nature, where football deprived transplants generate ratings, but swear allegiance to their hometown teams. But what’s sorely misunderstood by the NFL is that teams comprised of hefty, thick-necked men are far less appreciated in a town that’s enamoured with professional beauty more than anywhere else in the world. Los Angeles sells people like Proctor & Gamble sells shampoo, and thus the city is conditioned to see, hear and connect with stars in mass consumption; hence its love affair with the Lakers. Hard to do with guys covered in helmets and pads. You can’t serve steak to a town feeding on sizzle. The NFL thinks it can.
The NFL has tried to ratchet up its sex appeal for several years now. Players such as Michael Vick have been placed on a national pedestal for us all to “ooh” and “ahh” about. But despite the NFL’s efforts to create an A-list of players, football will always remain a team-oriented sport. Los Angeles, however, still remains an anomaly in this regard, where they’re used to seeing an individual’s sparkle turn bombs into blockbusters. This ingrained culture trickles to sports as well, which is why the NFL conflicts with the ways of LA. Anyone remember the Kings before Wayne Gretzky? After?
If not already, the NFL can surely find a billionaire or two to pay for a new team. A new stadium shouldn’t blemish the sprawl too much, but God forbid they have to “settle” for a guy like Peyton Manning. Nothing fancy, just a guy with a golden arm, but unfortunately lacks the charisma to even endorse tires. Would La-La Land give him the nod, or is he dining at Red Lobster in Garden Grove?
Julia Roberts and Magic Johnson will always shine in the klieg lights better than armored giants banging the hell out of each other. What works in Green Bay doesn’t work in LA. Rule number one in Tinseltown is never be desperate. The NFL is starting to look that way. Perhaps Paul Tagliabue should take heed to one of Hollywood’s greatest lines… “A man has to know his limitations.”
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